Jokes and funny sms text messages

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  • Prito: don't you recognize me? Jeeto: no.  Prito: but I am quite well known in movies.  Jeeto: O, where do you usually sit?
  • A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon in old west.  He slides up to bar and announces: I am looking for the man who shot my paw.
  • If you have picture where you look old, keep them.  In to0 years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.
  • I would like to be a volcano. . .  Smoke all day and people say. . .  Look he is working!
  • The more I learn the more I get to know,  the more I know the more I forget,  the more I 4get les I know, so y should I be learning??
  • A student writes letter via telegram to his dad.  It goes. . .  No fun, send money, your son! Dad write back saying. . . so sad, too bad, your dad!
  • Boy to gym coach: I wanna impress this cute girl I am gonna meet in 3 days which machine should I use? Coach: use atm machine
  • The probability of a topic coming in exam increases exponentially,  if one decides to leave the topic completely
  • Tea: tell me 3tenses with example boy: I saw your daughter yesterday past we are in love now (present) we will run away tomorrow (future)
  • What is swag? Usa salary, German car, Chinese food and India wife.  What is nark? Use wife,  German food,  Chinese car and Indian salary
  • You are one of the most cute persons in the world.  Just a second, don’t misunderstand.  Cute means: creating useless troubles everywhere
  • Two snakes meet each other first snake: I hope I am not poisonous.  Second snake: Why? First snake: Because I bit my lip.
  • What is the opposite of Nokia? Any guess not to worry Ans: yeskia
  • What will microsoft name its new software related to cricketer. Ms dhoni
  • Who walks with us through the difficult path of life? Mom dad? Husband wife ? Friends ? No what? Foot wear
  • Which is the oldest animal in the world? Give up? Well its, zebra because it is still black and white and not in color
  • Alcohol contains female proof after drinking 1. Male talk unnecessarily,  2. become over emotional 3. drive badly,  4. Fight for nothing.
  • The best definition of work a place where officially adults go and behave like children.
  • Boss: I am giving you job as a driver.  Starting salary rsto000, is it ok? X: You are great sir starting salary is ok but, how much is driving salary
  • Amazing news, the japanese have produced a camera. that has such a fast shutter speed,  it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
  • Man needs a, beautiful wife,  intelligent wife,  loving wife,  adjusting wife,  and cooperative wife but its sad that law allows only one wife
  • Consequences in america,  a girl rushed over to her husband. Darling, my children and your children are beating our children.
  • Do you know the full form of college c. come,  o. on,  l. lets,  l. love,  e. each,  g. girl,  e. equally thats why boys go to college
  • Devils challenged angels to a game of cricket.  We have all the cricketers, said the angels devils: No problem we have all the umpires
  • The law says if you can’t convince them then at least confuse them do you know which law it is? This is law of answering in examination
  • I am not scared of proposing a girl, but I am scared about.  What would happen if she agrees.
  • Doctor: you are in good health. You will live to be eighty.  Patient: but, doctor,  I am 80 right now.  Doctor: see, what did I tell you.
  • I looked for you up down left right here there everywhere just to spray Mortein
  • I am a killer,  I kill people for money,  but you are my friend,  I kill you for free
  • Its to hard to lose someone who is 100% loving 98% friendly 95% cute 93% sweet 90% talented only,  thats me.
  • Old man asked wife.  Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls? Wife: No not at all,  even dogs chase cars but they cannot drive it
  • If you really want to know the meaning of life? Then look in the dictionary
  • I always give 100% attendance in college: Monday: 11% Tuesday: to6% Wednesday: 49% Thursday: 10% Friday: 4%
  • G . ghost I . in are . real l . life so avoid girls and forward their numbers to me don't worry about my life I am a professional ghost rider
  • I love you I like you I miss you I talk you all these are examples of present indefinite tomorrow v will study present continuous
  • Teacher: because of quaid e azam hard work, what do we get on 14th august? Students: a holiday
  • Galilo: great mind einstein: genious mind newton: extraordinary mind bill gates: brilliant mind me: master mind u:oh never mind
  • Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business? Student: father in law.
  • I wish you were here in my room, on my bed with the lights off we go under the blanket and I will show you my new watch it glows and the dark
  • Gal: do you have any sentimental love cards? Shopkeeper: how about this card, it says to the only boy I ever loved gal: great I want 10 of them
  • Hi I am marrying next week.  There will be a small party and only a few people will be invited don't bring any gift just bring some1 to marry me
  • Kid asked his dad, can you write in the dark, his dad, I think so. what do you want me to write. Kid replied, sign this report card for me
  • Appu: what are you going to be when you have finished studying and passing al your exams? Pappu: probably an old age pensioner.
  • Teacher: tell me johnny, how do you like school? Johnny: closed.
  • Q: what did gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examination? A: dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.
  • Birdie birdie in the sky,  left poopie in my eye.  Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can’t fly!
  • I have lots of jokes in my inbox,  but I can’t send you al of them,  it will take a lot of time,  so I am sending you just one joke you are so beautiful
  • Pappu: why are you fasting? Appu: I am fasting to protest against hunger strikes.
  • A gal in a book store.  Gal: do you have book called  women - perfect intelligence ? Sales man: comic dept is on other side.
  • Crack: oh! I went to theatre yesterday.  One man cut other man.  Jack: in which theatre? Crack: operation theatre.
  • Crack: I would rather see banta hanged.  Jack: you marry hi amand it won’t be long before he will hang himself
  • Teacher: can anyone tell me advantages of chemicals? Little johnny: noxious substances from which modern foods are made.